OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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