so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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