Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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