OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
