dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
