I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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