so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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