I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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