I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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