just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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