Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
