I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize