Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Congratulations! We have a period
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