the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
