I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
