Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
