and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
