no, he came in my armpit
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
