I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
