dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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