Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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