but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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