the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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