I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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