one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize