Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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