I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
