Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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