My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
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I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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