I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
