I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
