yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
