So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
