brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
