girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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