1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my vag is so smooth its legendary
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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