I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
