I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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