Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
