Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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