I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
