The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
