why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
