She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
