It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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