i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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