He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
