Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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