I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
