Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize