Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
