so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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