Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
