okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
