The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
