he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My penis needs a shock collar
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
