All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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