What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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