I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
